Possible Cartoon Strip Headlines in 2007

Ziggy Dead, Obscure Panhandlers with Cute Signs Jobless

Ted Forth Announces Homosexuality, Populous Underwhelmed

Charlie Brown Discloses Long Battle with Alopecia, Zig Zag fetish

Government Declares "Funky Winkerbean" and "Zippy the Pinhead" Offensive Phrases

Odie Arrested for OUI. Again.

Former Comic Strip Star Tiger Utters Racial Slurs at Comedy Store, Career in Jeopardy

Snuffy Smith Represents UN in Special Peacekeeping Mission to Darfur

Garfield Blames Weight, Lack of Jokes on Lasagna Noodle Industry

Yellow Kid Comes Out of Retirement, Slaughters Family Circus Cast

Judge Parker Admits to Confusing Sally Forth with Mary Worth at Reuben Awards

Michael Patterson Has Aspurger's

Heathcliff Bombshell: "Marmaduke Eats Own Poop"

Dennis the Menace Actually 102 year-old Migget Named Bruno