How to Become a Freelance Cartoonist

Hey kids! Wanna stay at home all the time? Wanna work in you pajamas and cry with Oprah? Well, pay attention! Here's some valuable tips:

Be sure to squander any valuable advice given to you regarding your education, budgeting of finances and overall social maturity.

Instead of working hard to bring up those grades in College, tell everyone to go fuck themselves and move to the most remote state in the Union. Wyoming or Idaho are a solid bet.

Decide you want to be a radio DJ, lie your way into an on air shift and then lie your way into your new found circle of friends.

At a post-shift cocktail hour, use your rent money to buy everyone rounds of something called a "Wyooter Hooter", every twenty minutes.

Discover the healing effects of Jack Daniels, Taco Bell and, well....More Jack Daniels.

Rejoice when you discover Taco Bell takes checks.

Cower when you become the first to be banned from writing checks at Taco Bell.

Call your Mom. Collect. Explain that this is the perfect time to cash in the savings bonds Grandma gave you two years ago.

Wake up one morning to find "Oh my God, I live in Wyoming!"...Or insert your state of choice, here.

Meet a girl at an after hours bar, decide she's the one and later that night, ask her nine year old daughter how she feels about you being her da...da...*hick*...Daddy.

Call Mom. Cry. Ask for a plane ticket home. Cry some more.

Live with your parents until you meet an amazing woman with social and economic responsibility. Ask her to marry you and support you while you become the next Bill Watterson. Let her buy you a house and a computer.

Kiss her everyday before she leaves for work to support your sorry ass.

"Go to Work" in your pajamas, at home...Watching Oprah, or as you like to tell everyone, "Collecting funny material".

Wax Nostalgic with friends and family about how important it was to move to Wyoming and "find yourself"

Walk around with your head held high, thinking you've made a pretty great life for you and your family.

Kiss your wife and thank her for letting you live a lie.